Why I Can't Use the Most Useful Site on the Internet

It's like some kind of illness with me: I see a legitimate question on AskMe and the first thing that comes to mind is a tasteless snark.

For example, I read the first sentence of this question and all I could think of was "an abortion?"

Or this one, my only possible answer is the one she doesn't want to hear: weight loss. Usually, these lame jokes only work if you don't read the "more inside" part of the question.

To my credit, I never actually post these horrible, character-revealing snarks. But here I am confessing it, and telling you all what a bad person I really am.